


Hidden scars

by Superwholock88



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dermatillomania, Established Relationship, Fluffy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 16:46:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4443941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superwholock88/pseuds/Superwholock88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock has a secret and he hates himself for it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden scars

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just kinda a therapeutic thing for me. Dermatillomania really is a disorder and it screws with every aspect of a person's life. It's also highly misunderstood as a form of self harm. Idk if it's even any good. But if it brings light to this disorder for even one person than its fulfilled it's purpose.

John Watson was a determined man. Sherlock had initiated the relationship and seemed happy to take it to the next level but he only allowed himself to be naked if the light was out. Asking got him absolutely nowhere except sleeping alone for a week.  A part of him was worried about Sherlock. He sighs and sits on the couch waiting for Sherlock to return. He had gone for a walk after an argument about breakfast. John looks up as the door creaks open. It's now or never.

Sherlock's pov   
Sherlock was distressed and for once he didn't know how to solve it. He had tried oh so hard to be perfect for John without letting him know his secret. He made sure the light was always off so that John wouldn't be repelled. He couldn't bare to look at his own body due to the myriad of scars. John would try to have him locked up if he knew. Sherlock was aware that many considered what he did as self harm but he didn't see it as such. It was just that he could see each imperfection in his skin and had to get it out. Usually when he stopped there was a bloody mess of various sized holes. But the imperfections were gone. He could pretend a little longer. Sherlock sighed and headed back towards home not looking forward to the break up speech John must be preparing. 

"Sherlock, come sit down so we can talk" John says as Sherlock comes inside and hangs his coat. He takes his time and then turns slowly.   
"It's ok John. I understand. I never really expected it to go this far honestly. Will you be moving out?" Sherlock says keeping his emotions hidden. John's eyes widen.   
"You think I want to break up with you" he says his voice betraying the hurt he feels.   
"Well yes that's the conclusion I have drawn. Am I incorrect" Sherlock asks now feeling out of depth.   
"Yes for once you are very wrong. I don't want to break up with you unless that's what you want, is it? John asks trying to remain stoic.  
"Don't be ridiculous, John " Sherlock manages to spit out. John raises his hand in surrender.   
"Ok. Good, that's good. But we do need to talk, make sure we're on the same page" he says. Sherlock sighs and flops back onto the couch.  
"You enjoy having sex with me right" John asks cautiously. Sherlock nods.   
"Ok, well I guess the heart of the matter is why we have to have the lights off. Are you hiding yourself from me" John continues but stops as he sees Sherlock stiffen.   
"You have nothing to be ashamed of Sherlock. I think your absolutely beautiful " John tries but sherlock interrupts.   
" No I'm really not." He says. "I have something called dermatillomania. It's considered an impulse control disorder where I get these urges to pick at supposed imperfections in my skin." Sherlock continued before turning away. John reaches for him.   
"It's ok, Sherlock. Did you think I'd hate you for it?" He asks.   
"Everyone that knows has not taken it well. It's either something that makes me more of a freak or something I can stop but choose not to." Sherlock says. John sighs.   
"Look I'm not going to say I understand because that would trivialize it. I have heard of it before and I know the stigmata behind it. You've helped me out of my lowest of lows. Maybe I can help you if you want. May I see the scars?" John asks.   
"I guess you might as well." Sherlock says and heads towards his bedroom.   
"Ok you can come in" he tells John a few minutes later. John walks in to find that Sherlock.has stripped down to his boxers. His chest, legs and arms are covered in scabs and scars in various levels of healing. Sherlock sits still with his head down. John walks to him and lowers himself to his knees.   
"May I touch them" he asks softly. Sherlock nods. Gently John traces a hand down one arm and settles on Sherlock's stomach.   
"Beautiful" he whispers and hears a strange noise from Sherlock. He looks up and is alarmed to find tears streaming down his face.   
"Have I hurt you" John asks concerned.   
"No, I just no one has ever, how can you say I'm beautiful. I'm a mess of scars that I made myself. How can you still be here"  Sherlock asks, his eyes revealing deep pain.   
"Because you are. The scars do not make you who you are. They're merely a story of how you've survived. And because I love you." John admits.   
"I don't understand how you can love me John, I don't even love me. In truth I hate myself. I hate that I pick at my skin, I hate that I can't stop, I hate that I look at myself and I see every single little thing wrong." Sherlock says as fresh tears roll down his face. John reaches for him and holds him as he falls apart.   
"I love every part of you Sherlock and I will spend as long as I have to, to convince you that your worth loving." John says once Sherlock has calmed. John stands and kisses his forehead.   
"Let's just go to bed I know that there's no easy fix for how you feel but I promise to help you love yourself again." He says and they lie down together.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the super cheesy ending. I'm not sure if it even flows right.


End file.
